Dark Clouds

I woke up this morning feeling more tired than when I went to sleep last night. This is the second morning waking up to a pressure headache. I tentatively made plans to visit a good friend today but my body is telling me no.  I don’t like feeling this way whatever this way is..depression? laziness? or both.  This isn’t me, I’m used to being on the go making moves…working day to night and enjoying life even when i’m dead tired.  But now I can’t go grocery shopping without feeling exhausted and thinking about sitting down on my favorite spot.  I’m not new to being depressed or stressed out and my body is acting accordingly but my mind isn’t.

Lately my mood hasn’t been the best.  However, i’m trying to stay away from negativity..people, things or places that will hold me hostage to my anger.  Little by little i’m trying to do the things that I love or will keep me in a cheery mood, my hair, nails, listening to music, walking(very little) and my new…writing and reading the Bible.  But the dark clouds still seems to linger to where sometimes I will stare at the tv feeling stuck thinking too much.  or smoke me a cigarette but it seems to get me antsy and I wonder why I lit the nasty thing anyway.

Maybe it’s the anxiety of waiting on this job that I so want.  A couple weeks ago I went on a job interview and I thought it went well.  I was even inform how the previous candidate wasn’t chosen  and they needed the position filled ASAP.  Feeling my confidence leaving the interview I just knew I’ll be working at the beginning of this week.  I even told one of my closest friend whom I haven’t spoke to in 3 months about another position within the company that was open, she interviewed and got hired..good for her, honestly.

Maybe it’s the unhappiness that i’m feeling in my current living situation.  My current roommate/ex-girlfriend is a good person as a friend only.  Yes i still love her and she’s still there for me but I think its for her best interest due to the fact that I have to still depend on her and i’m hating that.  I want to be free of her and independent on my own.  For whatever reason these dark clouds is keeping me bound of it’s wrath i’m trying to break free.

So If my blessings come today, it will be no excuse on going over my friend’s house today and enjoying myself outside this apartment. Even though my body is feeling real sluggish i’m feeling an excuse coming on to tell my friend once again why i’m not coming.  We’ll see if i go or not!